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IN RUSSIA Jokes
In America you spank the monkey, In Soviet Russia, monkey spanks YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, bank robs YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, ass kicks YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, movie pirates YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, Quote Reads YOU!! “In Soviet Russia, foo’ pities YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on Mr. T “In Zombie Russia, brain eats YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on Zombie “In Doggie Russia, car chases YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on Dog “In Soviet Russia fox fires YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on Firefox “In Soviet Russia, Google searches YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on Google “In Soviet Russia, clown punches YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on masturbation “In Soviet Russia, battleship sinks YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on Battleships™ “In Communist Cuba, we eliminate hunger. In Soviet Russia, hunger eliminates YOU!!’”~ Fidel Castro on politics “In Soviet Russia, This Can’t Touch YOU!!’”~ Russian reversal on MC Hammer “In Soviet Russia, dead horse flogs YOU!!!’”~ Russian reversal on flogging a dead horse
Essence of Russian Reversal The Russian Reversal, in its purest form, is based on the dualistic theorem that:
America is both free and good.
Russia is both oppressive and bad
Ergo, they are opposites. If something is good in America (as all things in America are), that very same thing is bad in Soviet Russia (ditto).
In Soviet Russia, rule remembers YOU!! In Soviet Russia, funny caption writes YOU!!
The Russian Reversal was originally developed by Soviet Russians, and featured all their trademarks:
Incorrect Verb Usage
Always have “YOU!!” at end.
Sentence order is generally accepted as “In Soviet Russia, (Noun) (transitive verb)s YOU!!”
All words like “the” and “a” purged from language in 1919.
In general, all plural words should be changed into the singular form. In the previous example, “cars” became “car.” This is vital, as the impact of the sentence is lost if multiple things are whatever-ing YOU!!
Try and avoid the words “is” and “are”, such as: “In Soviet Russia, dumb is YOU!!”. This just sounds stupid. And, in Soviet Russia, that would mean that stupid is you!
All sentences end with “YOU!!”* For maximum science, mathematical expressions may end with “you.” Example: “pi = 3.14159265you.”
In decadent modern era it becomes more accepted that Russian Reversalisms end with word other than “YOU!!” Example: ”In Soviet Russia, car fixes A-Team!!”. However, in most places, classic reversal is only method of reversal permitted by law:
Always print “YOU” in ALLCAPS and then finish the sentence with no more and no less than two exclamation points, and italicise those even if the rest of sentence isn’t. See previous rule for clarification.
For example: “In America you follow the rules; in Soviet Russia, rule follows YOU!!”
Reread all rules, follow in different order.
Avoid using on, in, at, to, etc.; is less Russian.
Only use three words. (In Soviet Russia, above ignores YOU!!)
Keep simple, stupid.
If necessary watch Night Court episodes with Yakov Smirnoff as Yakov Korolenko. Yes, Uncyclopedia knows it will hurt. Uncyclopedia wants it to hurt. Hurt YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, exception makes YOU!!
In general, situation in Soviet Russia is reverse of in West, with few notable exceptions. Example; under capitalism people oppress people, under communism is other way around. Communism better.
In America, people are free to go to Washington and tell comrade citizens president of the USA is idiot. In Russia, people are free to go to Red Square in Moscow and tell comrade citizens president of USA is also idiot. Russia just like America!
In America, dollar valuable, ruble worthless. In Russia, dollar valuable, ruble worthless. In this respect, America just like Russia!
In Russia, most prostitutes are Russian, but in America, most prostitutes are Russian. America is just like Russia!
In Soviet Russia, List reads YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, reversal writes YOU!!In order to help Capitalists / anti-Communists prepare for their debates, this Official List of All Known Russian Reversals is brought to YOU!!
“We had to shoot mad cows in the Undead Kingdom.” becomes “In Soviet Russia, mad cow shoots YOU!!”
“In America, you have scarecrows.” becomes “In Soviet Russia, crow scares YOU!!”
“In Mozilla, you keep tabs in browser.” becomes “In Soviet Russia, browser keep tabs on YOU!!”
“In America you watch Big Brother.” becomes “In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches YOU!!
In Communist China, reversal writes YOU!!
In America, you look at computer monitor; in Communist China, computer monitors YOU!!
In America, you Google Tiananmen Square; in Communist China, Tiananmen Square Googles YOU!!
In America, you abort baby; in Communist China, baby aborts YOU!!